Poetry (in motion)

To summarize the time leading up to the long-weekend then the Sasquatchian weekend itself:

When she gets to her moments of peace after her turmoil… wow. Her movement is exactly how I felt about a lot of the weekend away from the mess of the city. The first half is pretty freaky, but it kind of reminds me of how life was feeling beforehand. Man, starting at 1:53 = beauty. The sun, the trees, the moment, the movement… Here are the words from those moments:

Stop.
Let go.
Breathe.
The weight is lifting --
I remember this
Presence.
Now is all there is.
My mind is finally resting.
Clarity.
I see this space,
I hear the silence.
My skin is tingling
I’m alive,
Completely alive.
Love – it’s all around me
Unconditionally.
A miracle.
The beauty of your beings.
Creation of perfection.
There I am as a tree
This peace is within me
There is always a choice
This moment is perfect
It is the only one that exists
Be still, my mind
And let me live.

Wade Robson, you’ve done it again :) Always touching my soul with your work!

It was hard going into the weekend and just letting everything go, to just breathe. We were surrounded by nature, love, and friends. Still, I didn’t realize how amazing those moments (that were right in front of me the whole time – that are probably always there even in Seattle) were until “late” into Saturday.

I would give anything to go back.
To stare at the stars all night
while pondering the insignificance of my being.
To hear the silence
in the midst of the thousands of everything.
To be kissed by the sun
and wrapped in its warmth.
To be with friends,
my chosen family.
To be a witness of love and harmony
in song, in company, in laughter, in dance.
I would give anything to go back
and remember what it is
To Be
in love
with life.

Attempted (spontaneous) poetic moment. That hasn’t happened in years! What a release.

Now we’re back to Seattle and I feel like a mess again, partially because part of me is still stuck dreaming about the warmth of the sun. I can’t wait to just BE!!! Love.

Sasquatch pt. 1

"The dream is real! Look around you!"
- Mos Def gesturing passed the crowd into the horizon’s sunset.

I loved Mos Def and his dimples.

That will be all for now. Time to sleep.

Elephant sky

There were elephants in the sky today.

Yeah, I got them on google images –
what’re you gonna do about it?

Anyway, it was a peaceful sight.

Keep Fishing

DELETED

I’m the MOTHAflippin Rhymenoceros

First off: word to your mom! I’m at home and it’s a gorgeous day and I have a tender and HUGE writing blister… in the spirit of Fred, I am completely okay with this.

Also in the spirit of Fred, I got into the mindset of thinking about the good things in people, and there are so many things that I admire about others. It’s weird thinking about your friends individually for awhile then realizing what qualities they have that make them unique and gifts to those who know them.

Another thought, have you ever thought about how different your life would be if one major decision had been different? For me, the weirdest thing is thinking about where I would be if I hadn’t chose SU. MY HEAD IS GOING TO EXPLODE WITH THE POSSIBILITIES! Who would you be? Who would you know? What would your goals be? Would you be the same major? What would get you out of bed in the morning?

I love where my decisions have led me to right now. I have the most amazing, thoughtful, selfless, and beautiful friends that anyone could ask for as evidenced by Thursday night fondue. Also old friends – Alex Merkle and Jen’s sister (Sarah) made brownies and brought me tea last night. Then we watched infomercials. What a fun night.I’ve been sick since Monday night and kind of not myself, but I hope no one is worried. After this hump is overcome, I will hopefully be back to myself. (School sucks, but what’s new? Sigh…) But yeah, no worries are required. I just want to enjoy life. There are a lot of good things to look forward to in the near future: Flight of the Conchords Monday, Quadstack Saturday, Sasquatch and Folklife the weekend after that, then JUNE. I wish my high school friends would be here this summer… and that there were jobs available…

In other news, I am at home and it smells like my house. That smell is so good. I just wish it was a more peaceful environment.

I’m so excited for this:

Honest Ventilation

A lot rides on a midterm on Monday but I don’t feel like studying anymore. I’ve been really stressed today, on the verge of a breakdown, but I fought it. I hate being weak, and I’m not sure if it would’ve helped. If need be I’ll break down after the test… I’m already making arrangements :( My biggest fear in life is failure, which to me is a form of personal weakness, and I need to learn to love myself if I do, in fact, need to face that fear soon. Ugh.

This negative thinking stuff sucks. Since nursing started, I’ve noticed that I complain a lot. How unattractive. How annoying. I apologize for this. It is my main coping mechanism, but hey, at least I’m being honest.

Speaking of honesty, one thing that I want to publish to the world to get off my chest: I am happy to announce the progress I’ve made with my damaged heart this past month.

The complaining I mentioned (too often) stemmed from the unsettled matters of my heart and it can finally be said that I’ve made strides in my healing process – and I think I know why. For one, I was finally honest with myself. I acknowledged that I was not as strong as I gave off, and it’s okay for me to not be strong sometimes. I was honest that it was not mutual and that I lied to myself; someone I deeply loved hurt me, caused me pain again and again (might I add that it was unintentional). Now I know that people and life change all the time (even when you think you understand it/them), when you least expect. No more lying to myself. Every feeling that I feel is okay. Anger, sadness, confusion… whatever… and it’s gonna keep happening and that’s fine! Accepting it and facing it will only help in the long run :)

I have learned so much about myself this year and that wouldn’t have been possible if I hadn’t been alone. I have goals… hopes… dreams… things I never named before that I can now look forward to.

So through this pain, I have gained so much and I am thankful for my friends who help me get through every day.

It is easy to say that this year has probably been the “worst” overall of my life. There have been so many amazing parts, don’t get me wrong! Just overall feelings… but things are looking up, minus this damn class and midterm.

Just keep fishing, just keep swimming!!!

I will leave you with an image from The Rescue:

Image by Rhys Logan on Flickr from the Seattle Rescue!